Last week I shared with you that I am pulling myself out of the hole I have been in for a while, this week I PASSED MY REAL ESTATE BOARD FINAL!!!!! Yesterday, I started working for my broker, I could not be more excited and thankful for this opportunity.
That’s not what I really wanted to talk about tonight, though.
I want to talk about how changing the situation you are in is a choice you make, you don’t have to settle for whats given to you. This statement is something my mom would say to me a lot during these past few months: “it’s YOUR choice” ” it is what YOU make it” “only YOU can decide to change it”. Instead for listening to get help, I was listened defensively. It’s a hard pill to shallow admitting that you could be better, that you could do more, that you aren’t living up to your full potential, I know. However, once to take a step back and really look at how much more you CAN have, it seems silly really to be so upset about not having something that you can choose to work for. Nothing is impossible, you CAN do what it is you want to do, you just have to choose to.
That moment for me was when I was done with my test, and he told me we would go ahead and do my finger prints and background check and that it is $50 to do that. When he told me it was $50 I panicked and thought about pushing this moment I had worked SO hard for back even more: but I went outside and checked the bank, I tried my credit card twice… it was declined and that was the moment that I made my CHOICE, I had $34.38 in my checking account and $18 in my savings, I moved over my $18 and spent the last of what we had in the bank: and I do not regret it. I did it, and in the moment I made a choice that I will NEVER feel like that again, I will never allow myself to depend on one person (not in anyway saying anything bad, however it is up to YOU, like I have said), I will never have to stress about getting Pyper food, or diapers, or rent, or feeding myself. (not that my god of a mother would ever let me go without a home or food, but you still stress).
All it takes is one moment of choosing for you to change your life, I fully believe this because it happened to me. I’m not saying that my life is perfect right now by any means, but I don’t feel that helpless, depressed, heart-aching feeling I have felt for so long.I know that I can do this, and that it’s going to be fine, more than fine, We will have a beautiful, happy life and I will be able to give Pyper anything that I want to give her…. ( a horse, and a pig probably…maybe few dogs..)
I hope that my ranting helped someone, really. I’m just a young mom figuring it out and I KNOW first hand how scary it is and how easy it is to fall down a rabbit hole of depression, anxiety, and laziness( I’m sorry mama). Sometimes it takes a rude wake up call to get there, and that’s okay.
I will continue to update on our progress but until then, I have a beautiful baby who wants to play because mama has been working all day.